Diva Cup FAIL!

Because your life will change once you ditch tampons for a reusable menstrual cup – or so they say.

Yup, I did it. After months of convincing, I finally tried using a Diva Cup. It sat in my bathroom for two weeks as I anxiously awaited my next period. Normally, my menstrual cycle doesn’t excite me, but the moment I saw the first indication of Aunt Flo, I couldn’t have been happier. I ripped open the packaging, and went to town!

My friend suggested her favorite fold, which was the “punch-down method.” I folded part of the cup’s rim inside itself, creating a point-like tip. Half an hour later, it was in. I swirled it around to make sure it had suction. I did it! Pfffft, it was as easy as people say! WRONG. A few hours later, I tried to take it out to see how it was going.

Pantsless and in my best squat, I bared down and dove deep into my vagina to get it out. I pulled, tugged, and squeezed. It didn’t budge. I began to sweat. I texted that same friend, and she said to just take it out. That didn’t help. My fingers continued to slip around the textured grip as I tried to get this silicone nightmare out of my body.

Aha! I had a good grip. I pulled. Ouch – it suctioned itself to my cervix. Is it supposed to be this painful? My hand, covered in blood, was beginning to cramp after the longest 45 minutes of my life. “Should I go to the ER?” I thought. Eventually, I wiggled it down the length of my vagina, suctioned to my vaginal wall the entire time. It came out with a “pop!”

In that moment, I wished I had a glass dildo to put in my freezer and insert into my poor, throbbing vagina for some relief. I washed the bright pink silicone cup of death and challenged it to round two. It was not going to win this war!

Here I am, two years later. That’s right – I made it. Sure, there was a … bit of a learning curve. But I did it! My life is now completely tampon-and-pad-free, and I couldn’t be any happier.

Written by pcsavino


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